


When The Darkness Comes

by destielklainelover



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Post Season 8, Protective Dean Winchester, Romance, a bit of angst, fluff mostly, hurt!castiel, post 8x23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 03:05:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielklainelover/pseuds/destielklainelover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean was still furious about the lack of trust in him that Cas had shown, but he was sure that the Fall wasn't his fault. That bastard Metatron had to have done something to him, and although Dean was angry with Cas, it was nothing compared to how pissed off he was with Metatron.<br/>If Dean found out he had hurt (or, God forbid, killed) Cas, he would raise all Hell in Heaven until the son of a bitch was as dead as he could be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When The Darkness Comes

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there :)  
> This is my first Destiel fic, and the first fic I ever post here :) Unfortunately English isn't my first language so I'm always afraid of posting stuff in english because I'm worried it's going to suck, and I didn't even want to post this because I was planning for it to be a short drabble but it came out a bit longer than expected. I know Dean is a bit soft in this, but I needed to show how the character is growing, because while in season 1 he was a soldier that always followed his dad's order, as the series went on he starts to grow and develop, and as Cas is family, I know Dean would be a bit gentle, even when he's angry.  
> Hope you enjoy :)

WHEN THE DARKNESS COMES

 

* * *

 

_Where did I go wrong?_

_I lost a friend_

_Somewhere alone in the bitterness_ __  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life 

 

* * *

 

It had been two months. Two fucking months since the Angels had fallen. And still no one knew how to stop Metatron, or how to get the angels mojoed up again. Dean had found some of the fallen angels, but every one of them had lost his or her mojo. Sam was getting better, but he still wasn't at his best so Dean was reluctant about going on hunts, and this led to them being stuck in the bunker.

The thing that tortured Dean the most, though, was the fact that Cas had disappeared. Since the Fall, no one had heard of him, and Dean was starting to go crazy. Charlie and Garth were doing their best to find him, but up until now no news from Castiel had come.

Dean was still furious about the lack of trust in him that Cas had shown, but he was sure that the Fall wasn't his fault. That bastard Metatron had to have done something to him, and although Dean was angry with Cas, it was nothing compared to how pissed off he was with Metatron.

If Dean found out he had hurt (or, God forbid, killed) Cas, he would raise all Hell in Heaven until the son of a bitch was as dead as he could be.

While Dean was planning every single thing he would do to Metatron if he got his hands on him, Sam came into the living room where Dean was trying (and failing) to watch TV.

“Hey, Dean.” Sam’s voice was weak, more weak than usual, and this made Dean sit up straighter in his seat.

“Sam, man, are you okay?” Dean couldn’t keep the worry out of his voice. Since the Trials he’d been terrified Sammy wouldn’t make it, even as he watched him getting better every day.

Sam cleared his throat. “Yes, Dean, I’m good. Are you?”

Something in his voice told Dean he knew what he would reply, and that it wasn’t true, but Dean avoided talking about his feelings like the Plague, so he shifted slightly on the sofa and nodded. “Sure thing, Sammy, I’m fine. Why’d you ask?”

Dean couldn’t have missed Sam’s eye roll even if he’d been in a room at the other side of the bunker.

“No, seriously man, you need to open up, at least to me, Dean! Don’t lie to me.” An edge had crept quickly into Sam’s voice, making Dean even more uncomfortable than he already was. He wasn’t shouting, but after two months that Dean had spent mostly sulking in his room (when he wasn’t doing round ups of fallen angels), Dean knew he was starting to get worried.

Dean sighed. “I am okay, Sam, just worried about everything that’s been going on lately.” Sarcasm started creeping into his voice.  “You know, all angels falling from Heaven, it may not be the Apocalypse but it’s still a pretty big deal!” He snapped.

Sam pulled bitch face #38 and Dean sighed again.

“You know that’s not what I meant, Dean! I was talking about Cas disappearing, I know it must be hard on you!” Dean flinched. “I’m worried about him too, you know?” Sam’s voice softened. “You should talk about it to someone, you’re going crazy and everyone can see it. The last time Charlie called I spent twenty minutes trying to talk the guilt about not finding him out of her. She was so scared you were going to freak out. It’s been two months, you can’t tell me you’re not worried about him.” Dean glared at Sam.

“Of course I’m worried about him, Sam! He’s family!” For the life of him Dean couldn’t understand the look that flashed in Sam’s eyes at ‘family’, and it was gone too quickly for him to think about it. “But there’s nothing to say about it, he’s MIA, he could be dead-“ This time the look in Sam’s eyes was definitely pity, but Dean went on. “-and unless someone finds some news on him we’re not going to find him. Talking about him is not going to make him magically appear in the bunker!” It was Sam’s turn to sigh.

“I didn’t mean talking about his disappearance, Dean, I wanted to talk about how him missing is affecting you.” Sam told him softly, but Dean was already building up his defenses, and he knew Sam could see it in his eyes.

“I’m just worried we’re not going to find him, that’s it, Sam. There’s not much else to say. Dean stood up and crossed the room to the door. “Goodnight, Sammy.”

Sam’s sigh followed him through the door.

 

* * *

 

_And not to pull your halo down_

_Around your neck and tug you off your cloud_

_But I’m more than just a little curious_

_How you’re planning to go about making your amends_

_To the dead_

* * *

 

 

Cas shivered in his sleep. Sleeping under a bridge, even when it was cold, was probably the thing he hated the most about being homeless. He should’ve been used to it by now, after two months, but the cold night air felt new every day.

Cas opened his eyes slowly. Until two months ago, he wouldn’t even have had to worry about the cold. He pulled the trench coat tighter against his body. The image of Dean, the last time he’d seen him, begging him to take him to Sam, came into his mind. He tried to keep the memories of Dean and Sam out of his head, because they were painful, but every waking moment he couldn’t stop thinking about the Winchesters. He wished he’d stayed with Dean and tried to help Sam, instead of going to look for Metatron. All of this wouldn’t have happened if he had. He wondered if Sam had made it. He knew if Sam had died, Dean probably wouldn’t be alive right now either, and it was just something he couldn’t bear to think about, because if the Winchesters were dead, then he was completely alone. All his brothers and sisters were here on Earth right now, but he doubted they would want to talk and help the one who made this happen. He curled up tighter into a ball, feeling the guilt tear up his insides. He knew that was what Dean would do if Sam died, because he didn’t even have Lisa to go to. Cas nearly let out a whimper at the memory of how angry Dean had been with him in that moment. This led to him realizing Dean was probably as angry now as he was them, and Cas did whimper then. He tossed and turned for a while, until he finally managed to get to sleep.

 

Lena, a young girl that had ran away from home after being abused by her parents, shook Cas awake.

“Wake up, sleepy head!” She yelled, grinning at him as soon as one of his eyes opened up.

“What?” He croaked out slowly, glaring at her and her morning enthusiasm.

“Always the morning person!” She winked at him. “We got some food!”

That definitely woke Cas up. “What?” He repeated. She beamed.

“Remember the old lady from the grocery store? Looks like she was in a good mood today, she brought some bread and butter for us. ‘It’s a sunny day, and everyone should have something good’ She said. It was pretty funny, how glad she was about the sun. Well, I’m going to accept the gift and start eating, join me if you want something!” She patted his cheek and sat on the floor, next to a bag filled with food.

Cas stretched a bit, then joined her next to the bag. They smiled at each other and dug in. Food had been difficult to come by, lately, especially since it was getting colder. They hadn’t had sun in a few weeks. It hadn’t even been sunny the day the angels fell, Cas thought, then shook the thought away. He wasn’t going to think about the angels, he was just going to enjoy the day.

Cas and Lena were the only two that lived under the bridge. Cas had met her the first time he was wondering around the city. He had found out he’d fallen in Michigan, and although he could probably make it to Kansas some way or another, he didn’t have any money, and any way of hitching a ride to Kansas and to the bunker. He had tried, but he didn’t have anything he could give to people who wondered how he would pay back the journey, so he’d been living with Lena ever since, wondering if the Winchesters were alive and if he’d ever see them again.

Lena sensed the swift change in his mood, and looked at him worriedly.

“Cas, is everything okay?” He sighed. Although Lena and him had talked and shared their past (Lena had seen the fall of the angels, and when she managed to convince Cas to tell her what had happened, she’d then managed to get his past out of him), one thing Cas never talked about and had barely mentioned was the Winchesters.

“Yes, Lena, everything is okay.” He knew she wouldn’t believe him.

“What was her name?” Cas looked up at that.

“Excuse me?” “When you fell you lost someone you loved, I can see that. Who was she?” Castiel’s confusion probably showed on his face, because Lena waved a hand.

“Never mind.” She turned back to her food and kept eating.

That was when it hit Cas. The person she meant was Dean, although she couldn’t know it. But he didn’t love Dean in that way, did he? He loved Dean as one of his Father’s creations, and as family, but not in the way Lena meant, right?

Cas sighed deeply. Since he’d become human understanding what he was feeling had become impossible. But he did know Dean and him shared a ‘profound bond’. Was that what Lena meant? He didn’t know. Before he could stop himself, he whispered: “Dean, his name was Dean.”

 

 

* * *

 

_Oh I don’t love you, but I always will_

_Oh I don’t love you, but I always will_

_I don’t love you but I always will, I always will_

_I wish you’d hold me when I turn my back_

_The less I give, the more I get back_

_Ohh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise_

_I don’t have a choice, but I still choose you_

* * *

 

Dean tossed restlessly in his sleep that night. Dreams of Cas dying, of Metatron killing him, kept creeping up on him and he woke up a few times during the night crying out the angel’s name. After a particularly brutal dream that he absolutely did not want to recall right now, Dean woke and found Sam standing awkwardly at the door.

“Sammy? Everything ‘kay?” He asked, and rubbed his eyes.

“Yes, I’m fine, Dean, are you?” Sam was staring with such intensity that it reminded Dean of Cas, and he shook his head to send the thought away. He thought about lying, but he knew it would not be worth it. He had been lying through his teeth for the past two months, and he knew Sam saw straight through him, so he took a breath and sighed. “No, Sam, I’m not.”

Sam looked taken aback. He probably wasn’t expecting Dean to give up the fight so easily, but nonetheless he walked in the room and sat on the chair opposite the bed.

“Is it about.. Cas?” Sam started, and Dean glared at him.

“You know it’s about Cas, my dream made it pretty clear.”

“I didn’t-“ Sam tried, but Dean cut him off.

“I know you heard, Sam, stop that.” Sam fell silent. “What if we never find him? What do I do then? I can’t live with the guilt, I shouldn’t have let him go off alone to face Metatron. And yet I don’t regret my actions, I had to stop you, Sammy. I just wished he’d stayed. Why can’t he stay for once? One fucking time is all I ask, but no, he just keeps flying away like he doesn’t care enough to stay! You know how that makes me feel, Sam?  Like shit. Like I’m not good enough, and I-“ Dean broke off, and looked away from Sam’s pitying face.

“Dean.” Dean kept looking at the ground. “Dean, look at me.” Reluctantly, Dean’s gaze met Sam’s. “Do you love him?” Sam’s voice was soft and quiet, but Dean still choked on the breath he was taking.

“I’m sorry?” Sam rolled his eyes.

“I’m not kidding, Dean.” Dean knew he probably looked halfway between incredulous and guilty, because Sam’s words had set something in motion that he never acknowledged before.

“Of course I do, Sammy, he’s family. He’s made a lot of mistakes, some of them nearly ended the world, but he’s still family. And we kick started the Apocalypse! It’s just something our family does, screw things up and everything falls to shit! I mean-“

Sam silenced him with a gesture of his hand.

“You know that’s not what I mean, Dean. Do you love him, _love him?”_ Dean had a hard time keeping his face blank, Sam was looking straight through him again, and Dean could feel his façade crumbling.

“ I don’t know.” Sam said nothing, and kept looking at him, waiting for Dean to go on.

“It’s not really something I’ve ever thought about. Quit looking at me like that, Sam, I don’t know!” Sam patted Dean’s shoulder and got up. “Think about it, okay?” Dean didn’t have time to reply, Sam was already out of the door. He curled up on his bed, sighed, and tried to fall asleep.

 

The next morning, Dean was woken up by noise and shouting. He managed to get out: “What the-“ before he heard Sam’s voice shouting at him to get up. Straight after that came banging on the door, so he got up and opened the door. Charlie and Sam were right in front of the door, both beaming, Charlie more proudly than anything else.

Charlie was the first to speak.

“I found him.”

 

 

* * *

 

_If I die young_

_Bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river_

_At dawn send me away_

* * *

 

Cas and Lena came out of the bar where Cas had been trying to earn some money by hustling pool like Dean had taught him. Cas knew Lena was watching him, he’d been quiet all night remembering that night.

 

_“Finally! Cas, you’ve mastered it!” Dean beamed at him and Cas blushed slightly, thanking Dean softly. Sam then called them over from the booth where he was sitting, with three beers on the table. After putting everything back in its place, Cas and Dean made their way through the bar, Cas feeling every nerve in his body spark from where Dean was touching him on the shoulder to lead him to the booth, dodging couples making out and people drinking._

“Cas, are you with me? Castiel?” At the mention of his full name Cas snapped his attention back to the present.

“Yes.” He stuttered, “I’m here”. Lena stopped and turned around to face him, placing her hands on his shoulders and staring right into his eyes.

“What’s wrong, Cas? You’ve been off all day.” Cas couldn’t hold her gaze, and that definitely told Lena there was something wrong with him.

“Don’t worry about me, Lena. I have just been thinking a lot today, I am fine.”

Lena looked skeptic, but she hooked her arm through his and started walking again.

Now that the memory gate had been opened, though, there was no way of stopping his past from rushing right back at him, especially with the pain in his gut he felt every time he thought about Dean.

 

_“Cas!”_

_“A little help here?!” Castiel’s stomach was bleeding profusely and Dean just stood in front of the Impala like an idiot, staring at Cas in shock. There was obviously something wrong with Sam, so Cas kept his eyes locked on Dean, knowing only he could help him right now. Suddenly Dean snapped out of it, and ran to his side, applying pressure to his wound and shouting at Sam to get something to bandage it._

_“Cas, what the hell happened to you?” “Dean…” Castiel’s initial sarcasm had vanished, and exhaustion and pain had taken over his features and his voice. Dean noticed the change straight away and his eyes softened._

_“Okay, not the best moment to talk about it, come on, I’ll help you up.” Dean managed to get Cas in a standing position, but they just couldn’t stop the bleeding._

_“I’m so gonna regret this.” Cas looked at Dean in confusion, but before he could open his mouth Dean had leaned down and was scooping Cas’ legs up, securing his grip on him and carrying him quickly to the car. Sam had already been lying towels on the backseat of the car so they wouldn’t get blood on Dean’s beloved car._

_“We need to take you to the bunker, it’s the safest place to patch you up.” Cas could only nod in response to Dean, and his eyes started to close._

_“Oh dammit!” Was the last thing he heard before blackness surrounded him._

Lena was still guiding Cas through the city so they could make it back to the bridge where they were camping. They took a shortcut to the bridge, although that mean passing through some back alleys. Every time they crossed these streets they held hands and tried to walk as fast as possible without being obvious, but tonight there were two guys standing in a doorway, looking in their direction. Cas grabbed Lena’s hand and they kept walking straight ahead, not looking at the two men who were eyeing them. Suddenly the two, both tall and both strongly built, taller than Cas but not as tall as Sam, were standing right in front of them.

“Good evening.” Lena and Cas froze. The slightly taller one was apparently the one that did the talking, while the other one was obviously checking Lena out, and Cas stood instinctively in front of her. Without his powers he could only try and fight to defend her, but knowing Lena wasn’t a fighter, he was still outnumbered.

“We don’t have any money.” He said, trying to sound as fierce and strong as he once did. The two men looked at each other and smirked.

“Oh, that’s a pity, lucky we don’t want money then, isn’t it?” Castiel’s blood suddenly turned cold and he froze.

“Stay away from her.” Was the only thing he could manage weakly.

“I don’t think you’re the one that’s going to decide what we do.” The taller one smirked again, and pulled out a gun. “Now you do what you’re told or we kill you both, understand? From what we gather you’re both homeless, so no one is going to miss you too much.” Cas glanced in Lena’s direction and she turned her terrified gaze on him. “Let her go, take me.” He whispered, and from the corner of his eye he could see Lena shaking her head, but he had to do this. “I’m Matt,” the taller one told him, “and he’s James. Nice to meet you. Let’s get down to business.” Matt suddenly backed him into the wall, the gun pointed towards his chest, while James advanced on Lena, who bit her lip in an attempt to not start screaming, as he was pulling another gun out. Busy looking at Lena, Cas had not noticed Matt coming closer to him until he felt lips on his neck, and nausea and disgust took over him. He couldn’t cry, he wouldn’t. The voice he heard next was one that belonged in his dreams, and he bit back a sob when he realized he was imagining things.

“I said, let. Him. Go.” Dean. It was Dean, it had to be. Cas slowly opened his eyes, scared of not finding what he was hoping would be there, but Dean was there. With Sam. Holding guns and pointing them towards their attackers. James had one hand up Lena’s shirt, the other one on the gun, and Lena was crying as silently as she could, but she turned her head towards the new voices and froze. Cas felt Matt smirk against his neck and lips sucking and licking on it again. Cas was staring straight at Dean, and the fury he saw in those eyes was something he would never forget.

“Touch him one more time and I swear I’m going to shoot you, you son of a bitch.” Cas couldn’t understand why Dean and Sam weren’t already shooting, but then he saw Dean falter slightly when his gaze dropped down to where Matt was pointing the gun at Castiel’s side. With a loud pop, Matt detached his lips from Castiel’s neck and said, smirking “You shoot, he dies. You both walk away, and maybe blue eyes here can live.” Sam was pointing the gun at James, but Cas could see in his eyes he wasn’t going to shoot, not while Castiel’s life was at stake. James had turned his attention back to Lena, and was making disgusting sounds as he kissed her neck and mouth. Lena’s eyes were still on Sam and Dean.

“Okay, put the gun down and we’ll put it down too.” Dean bargained. To anyone who didn’t know him, Dean looked distant and cold, but Cas could see every shade of Dean’s eyes despite the poor lightning that told him Dean was terrified someone was going to die. And that someone was probably Cas.

Dean and Sam both were leaning down to drop the guns, but Matt laughed.

“And then what? You watch us have the times of our lives with these two? God, you’re desperate.” Dean stiffened, and the shot that rang through the air was quicker than anyone expected. Matt cried out and clutched his shoulder, but always kept the gun in one hand. Dean was running towards them, and Sam had jumped on James. “Fine.” He heard Matt whisper, then another shot. He heard Dean cry out, and suddenly there was searing pain in his side. Cas dropped to his knees.  A gunshot, again, and Matt fell backwards, a hole in his forehead.

“Son of a bitch!” Dean exclaimed before dropping next to Cas.

“Cas, stay with me, buddy, don’t let go.” Then another round of swearing, but Cas was starting to lose track of what was happening.

“Goddammit! Cas, look at me, please!” Dean was trying to cover up and bandage his wound as best as he could, but it still hurt too much.

“Dean! We have to get to the car.” That was Sam, right? Sam wanted Dean to get to the Impala. Good. Dean had to run before the cops came.

“G..go.” He managed to cough out, and Dean faltered for a second, then gently started pulling Cas up on his feet.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Cas? I’m not leaving without you.”

 

 

* * *

 

_If this was our last song_

_What would we do then_

_This was our last song_

_What would we say then_

_If this was our last time_

_What would we do, what would we say then_

* * *

“No, no, no, no, Cas, stay with me, look at me!” Dean knew he was nearly shouting, but he wasn’t going to lose Cas when he’d just found him, not when he wasn’t angeled up and his chances of returning  again were close to zero.

“Dean, take him and let’s get to the car, come on!” Sam was carrying the girl, who was shivering and crying, back to the Impala, and Dean, for the second time in his life, although he would always deny it happened (well, maybe not this time), picked Cas up and carried him bridal style back to the Impala.

“Sammy, you drive.” Sam turned to him, and Dean nodded at Cas, throat too tight to speak. Sam nodded in return, helped the girl get in the front seat and slid behind the wheel, while Dean placed Cas in the backseat, then entered after him, pulling Cas into his lap and tearing his over shirt to bandage the wound.

“Dean..” A voice croaked, and Dean nearly sobbed in relief when he saw the blue of Castiel’s eyes.

“Cas, don’t worry, you’re safe. We’re going home.” Cas smiled at Dean, but he could see the light going out of his eyes again.

“NO!” He shouted. “Don’t you dare pass out on me again, dude!” Dean frantically wrecked his brain to find something that would keep Cas awake, at least until they reached the motel. “Cas! Look at me!” The angel’s eyes opened slightly, but his gaze, despite being on Dean’s face, was unfocused. “The wound’s not lethal,” Dean murmured, “you’ve had much worse, Cas.” A voice in the back of his mind told him Cas had been an angel then, but Dean ignored it. His only focus was on his best friend. “Cas..” His voice broke on the angel’s name, and as Castiel’s eyes nearly closed completely, Dean took a decision and didn’t even bother to think about whether he would regret it later. Cas had to stay awake. Before he could consciously think about what he was going to do, Dean leaned down and pulled Cas up towards him, pressing their lips together. Castiel’s eyes opened slowly, and the two resumed one of their staring contests, as Dean was definitely not closing his eyes, wanting to keep them always on the wounded angel (Dean would always think of Cas as an angel, and Cas was going to be an angel again, Dean would make sure that happened). Cas pulled back slightly, and Dean rested their foreheads together gently. “Did you mean it?” Cas ground out. His voice was even more gravelly than usual, and he talked slowly and quietly. Dean shushed him and smiled. “We’ll talk about it when you feel better, Cas.” The angel’s smile was small, but it was there.

“Dean, there’s a motel a mile away, should I stop?” Dean sighed in relief, and ran his hand through Castiel’s hair.

“Yes, thank you, man.” The next mile rushed by, with Sam driving as fast as he could without getting into trouble and Dean trying to keep Cas awake. When they reached the motel, Sam and the girl (who was called Lena, apparently) went to book two rooms while Dean stayed with Cas in the car.

“Cas?” The angel kept his eyes closed, but by the hum it appeared he was still awake.

“Don’t die. Please. I need you, buddy.” Cas opened his mouth to respond but that was the moment Sam and Lena decided to come back, Lena rushing to open the door while Sam helped Dean get Cas out of the car and carry him to the room.

Dean placed Cas gently on the bed while Sam turned the lights on and fetched the first aid kit.

Dean started removing Castiel’s trench coat and jacket, then started unbuttoning the shirt. Both Dean and Lena flinched when they saw the wound.

“Son of a bitch.” Dean whispered, and after disinfecting the wound he took the needle and thread Sam was handing him.

“I’m sorry, Cas.” He whispered so only the angel could hear, before starting to sew the wound up. It was a very slow operation, and Cas kept whimpering and groaning in pain, and every sound made Dean curse.

When he was finished Dean applied some bandages and sighed in relief at having finished, then collapsed on the bed next to Cas.

Sam and Lena took that as their cue to leave, got up and reached the door.

Sam whispered “Goodnight” and they left. Dean didn’t even have it in him to make some joke about them sleeping in the same room, but as the motel only had doubles, the way they were splitting up was obvious.

Dean was startled from his thoughts as Cas murmured his name.

“Cas?” He said, and turned to the angel, who took a deep breath and opened his mouth to talk. Dean wanted to interrupt, tell him not to waste his breath and they would talk tomorrow, but Cas was faster.

“Why are you doing this?” Dean stiffened. What the hell was Cas talking about?

“I’m sorry?”

“Why are you helping me? I thought you would be angry with me for what happened with the angels.” Cas spoke quietly and his voice was weak, and it reminded Dean of when the angel had been broken after taking on Sam’s madness.

“I thought you didn’t care if I was broken.” Dammit, Cas remembered. A pang of guilt hit Dean and he shuffled closer to Cas.

“Of course I care, Cas. You’re family.” Cas looked up at him. “I never thought what happened with Heaven was your fault, you know? Of course, I wondered if Metatron had convinced you, but I knew you believed Naomi, even after everything she did to you. I always blamed only Metatron for this.” He told Cas, and could see some hope return in the angel’s eyes. “I thought he’d killed you.” He whispered so softly he was sure Cas hadn’t heard, but if the look in his eyes was honest, he had.

“He took my Grace. He killed Naomi, slit my throat and took it.” Dean turned abruptly to Cas and his hand flew to the Castiel’s throat. “He did what?” Anger was starting to flood through Dean’s veins.

“Dean, don’t worry, he healed me after that. He told me to find a wife and make babies.” Cas said, and Dean, who had started to relax, stiffened once again.

“Is that what you’re planning to do?” He asked, hoping his voice didn’t betray the fear he felt at the thought of losing Cas _again_.

“No.” Dean relaxed immediately, and he was sure Cas noticed.

“So, what are you planning to do?” Cas looked away at that, and Dean felt his stomach drop.

“I would like to stay with you, if I may.” Dean caught Castiel’s face in his hand and brought their lips together again, out of instinct more than anything else.

“Yes, Cas, you can stay.”

 

 

* * *

 

_So I lay my head back down_

_And I lift my hands and pray_

_To be only yours I pray_

_To be only yours_

_I know now, you’re my only hope_

* * *

 

The next morning they were up early and on the road to get back to the bunker. Dean had resumed his place as driver, with Sam shotgun and Cas in the back with Lena. It took a few hours to get to the bunker, but when they reached it Charlie and Kevin were waiting for them, and had already set up rooms for Cas and Lena. While Sam and Charlie accompanied Lena to her room, Kevin helped Dean take Cas to the room they had gotten ready for the angel.

Dean hadn’t wanted to talk about the kiss(es) all day, even when Cas and Dean were alone in the room. Cas kept wondering if he’d done something wrong, or if Dean was regretting what he’d done. The latter was probably the correct answer. Dean didn’t kiss men, it was not who he was. Cas sighed and Dean looked up at him, but Cas just shook his head.

Kevin signaled to Dean to join him outside, so Cas guessed he’d gotten somewhere with translating the Angel tablet. Dean patted Castiel’s shoulder and walked out the room with Kevin.

They tried to talk quietly, but Cas could still hear what they were saying, and despite not wanting to eavesdrop, he still listened.

“Naomi was right, Dean. The three Trials Cas did where to banish every angel from Heaven, not to close the Gates.”

“Do you know what the Trials are?”

“To close the Gates?” Cas wondered why Dean wanted to close the Gates, it was useless, seeing as all the angels except Metatron were on Earth.

“No, the other ones, Kevin.” What was he asking that for? He knew what the first two Trials were, and the third was probably just the Grace of an angel. But something was off, Cas thought. If Metatron needed the Grace of an angel, why not just use Naomi’s? Cas tuned in back to the conversation happening outside his door.

“..A Nephilim, the result of love between an angel and a human; the bow of a Cupid, and..” Here Kevin paused, and everything went quiet for a few beats. Before Dean could ask Kevin to go on, the Prophet started talking again, this time even more softly than before.

“The Grace of an angel, but not any Grace.” Cas sat up straighter in his bed.

“What do you mean?” Dean’s gruff voice was dangerously quiet.

“It’s.. it’s the Grace of an angel in love with a human.” Cas collapsed on his bed, wincing at the pain in his side. So now he knew what his feelings for Dean meant. Cas knew this was going to ruin his relationship with Dean, because the hunter would never accept it.

“Son of a bitch.” Was the first thing Dean said after a few minutes of being silent. Then more gently “Do you know what Metatron did with Cas’s grace?”

“It.. it was probably destroyed by the spell. I’m sorry, Dean.”

“I’m gonna kill that fucking bastard.” Dean’s voice was quiet, but held so much rage Cas curled up tighter in his bed, feeling water starting to come out of his eyes.

His Grace was gone forever. And now Dean was probably too angry to even look at him. Cas let out a sob, and the voices outside fell quiet.

Dean cursed, and Cas heard the knob of the door starting to turn, so he buried his face in the cushion to muffle what he supposed was tears and tried to feign being asleep.

“Cas? Are you awake?” Cas didn’t respond, he was feeling a strong pain in his chest and he just wanted to sleep and never wake up.

“Cas, I’m so sorry.” Another sob escaped him, and Cas cursed himself because now Dean knew he was awake. Dean walked around the bed and sat next to Cas.

“Look at me, Cas.” Cas shook his head slightly and Dean sighed. “Cas, please.”

It was the please that got to Cas. Dean never begged. Cas raised his head slightly, and took in Dean’s tired features.

“How much of that did you hear?” His voice was as tired as he looked, tired and resigned.

“All of it.” Cas whispered, and Dean sighed once again. The angel lowered his eyes and felt another tear slide down his cheek.

“No, Cas..” The hunter took the angel’s face in his hands and wiped the tear away with his thumb. He rested their foreheads together so Cas was forced to look straight at Dean.

“We’re going to fix this, Cas, I promise.” Cas tried to shake his head but Dean was holding his head in place. “My Grace is gone, Dean. There is not much left to do to help me.”

“Stay here, then. You’ll become a hunter and we can find a way to send the angels back to Heaven and get rid of that dick Metatron. If.. if you really want your Grace back, we’ll find a way. You can also return to Heaven if you want. Kevin is working on how to close the Gates, you could go home..”

“If you closed the Gates and I was inside I would never see you and Sam again.”

“You would be with your brothers and..” Cas silenced Dean.

“ We already had this conversation, Dean. Once I’m inside, they’ll probably kill me.”

“But it’s your family, they could forgive you..”

“They won’t, Dean, and you know it.”

“So you’re just going to go there and get killed?”

“No.” Dean frowned.

“What do you mean ‘no’? What are you going to do then?”

Cas was starting to feel more and more insecure as Dean kept talking. He finally managed to say “You said I could stay here. If you didn’t mean it it’s fine, I’ll go back to Heaven, if I manage to get my Grace back, or I’ll just find somewhere to stay..”

Dean looked incredulous.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Cas? I meant it, when I said you could stay. What do you think I am? I’m not a monster! I just thought you would’ve wanted to go back home..”

“That’s not my home anymore, Dean.”

Something flashed in Dean’s eyes, and he let go of the ex-angel’s face.

“So what Kevin said. It’s true.” Cas drew back slightly, scared of how Dean would react if Cas just confirmed it was true.

“I don’t understand.” Dean rolled his eyes and pulled Cas closer again.

“The Grace of an angel in love with a human. Are you in love with me, Cas?”

Cas couldn’t hold Dean’s gaze after that. He lowered his eyes and kept them trained on the cushion, even as Dean tried to catch them.

“Cas? Talk to me.” Dean had said those exact words to him before Cas had told him he was thinking of killing himself. The thought still crossed his mind sometimes, but he’d had so much on his mind in the past few days he just forgot about what he’d caused in Heaven.

“Castiel. Look at me.” Dean never used his full name. Cas was forced to look up at Dean, but he couldn’t stare Dean straight in the eye for more than a few seconds.

“Tell me the truth, Cas. Are you in love with me?” Dean spoke quietly, but the way he talked betrayed nervousness.

Cas could feel tears welling up in his eyes again and, still avoiding Dean’s green eyes, nodded. Dean sucked in a breath then took Castiel’s face in his hands again. Suddenly Dean’s eyes dropped shut and the hunter was pressing his lips against the angel’s again, and this time it was without urgency or despair, it was sweet and gentle. Cas started moving his mouth against Dean’s and wound his arms around Dean’s neck, his hands buried in Dean’s hair as he tried to pull him as close as possible. Dean obviously understood Castiel’s intention because he wrapped one arm behind the angel’s back and one around his neck, stroking Castiel’s hair gently.

Dean opened his mouth a little bit more and touched Castiel’s lips with his tongue, and Cas uncertainly opened his mouth. Dean’s movements were very slow, like he was afraid of scaring Cas off, but the relief Cas felt in that moment told him nothing Dean did could scare him off right now. Dean kept pulling Cas closer, as if he was worried if he let go Cas would disappear, and as their tongues met Cas shivered and gripped Dean’s hair tighter, never intending wanting to let go.

When Dean pulled back to breathe, Cas still kept him close, and whispered in Dean’s mouth “Yes, I do.” Dean’s smile could’ve lightened up the whole room.

“Good. That’s awesome.” Dean’s smile got even brighter and he pressed their mouths together again, kissing Cas chastely. Cas knew Dean wasn’t ready to say those words back, but he didn’t mind. After all, Dean was a man of actions, not of words, and the way he was gripping Cas told him everything he needed to know.

 

 

_“Stay.”_

_“Always.”_

* * *

 

_I’ll be here waiting,_

_Hoping, praying_

_That the sky will guide you home_

_When you’re feeling lost_

_I’ll leave my love hidden in the sun_

_For when the darkness comes._

* * *

 

 


End file.
